What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
