Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
