her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
