you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
