I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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