You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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