I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
