were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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