Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
