ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
