Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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