the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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