shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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