I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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