I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
