i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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