I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
