not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
