this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We're too hungover to prance.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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