Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
