It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Houston, we have a blender
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.