I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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