my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
