After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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