Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride