I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.