your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.