Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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  (314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip
  Replies (21) Good night (3952) Bad night (683)
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  (916): View more from California

  does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.

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  (916): does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind. http://tfl.nu/4b1q
  Replies (3) Good night (3183) Bad night (523)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

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  (830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7
  Replies (33) Good night (6414) Bad night (1829)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.

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  (201): just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this. http://tfl.nu/pmcq
  Replies (21) Good night (1251) Bad night (5605)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

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  (402): I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire. http://tfl.nu/9p46
  Replies (12) Good night (5098) Bad night (1111)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.

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  (641): I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women. (515): That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage. http://tfl.nu/mozw
  Replies (5) Good night (2322) Bad night (927)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after

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  (979): I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after http://tfl.nu/y0mb
  Replies (8) Good night (4663) Bad night (731)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.

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  (816): I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey. http://tfl.nu/ef3v
  Replies (3) Good night (1605) Bad night (529)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.

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  (757): he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore. http://tfl.nu/szvz
  Replies (7) Good night (768) Bad night (2428)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.

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  (603): NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING. http://tfl.nu/lnbz
  Replies (7) Good night (1170) Bad night (469)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.

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  (647): I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back. http://tfl.nu/pcjm
  Replies (7) Good night (1259) Bad night (588)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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  (413): Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories http://tfl.nu/hc8i
  Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (361)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.

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  (616): i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm. http://tfl.nu/enq5
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  "Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.

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  (314): "Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it. http://tfl.nu/6fe1
  Replies (0) Good night (643) Bad night (263)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.

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  (+61): I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda. http://tfl.nu/2v8c
  Replies (0) Good night (295) Bad night (200)

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