omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
