conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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