Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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