I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
