omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
