my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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