I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
