Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
