Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
