how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thereās an entire generation of people out there who didnāt grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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