On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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