Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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