do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
