Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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