She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
