I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
