The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
