Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.