I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
