you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.