Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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