he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
