all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
