i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
