dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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