when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
