I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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