so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
