I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
