Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
