the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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