she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
