sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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