How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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