As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
