Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize