this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
