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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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