Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
