my phone needs a breathalizer
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
