Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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