So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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