I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
