If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
