Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
