We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
