His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
