You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
