fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize