Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dignity is for republicans.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
