woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
