they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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