I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
