Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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