I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
